Results by May Vary

by Viktor Tejada

When I was little, I thought the line “results may vary” had the word “by” in between the words “result” and “may”. Hence, “results by may vary”. That being said, for a few days, I thought the words “may vary” weren’t just two words, but also a name.

I always pictured May Vary as a secretary. Well, in terms of appearance, at least. With her long black tight skirt, her pink blouse, and her neatly tied blonde hair, it’s as if she’s very ready to carpe the damn diem. Her voice too. Damn. Her voice comparable (if not better than) to those alluring woman voices you hear on TV. Plus if you add a smile so blindingly bright, not only May Vary will seize the day with finesse, but also make everyone swoon while she’s at it.

How you see May Vary may not be the same as how I saw her. She could own a pair of glasses and never wear them, have long frizzy black hair, or even possess the will to kill, everything may or may not be the same.

I guess you could say that results may vary for the result of May Vary.