Birthday Notes

by Viktor Tejada

I cannot be myself under my own skin
How terrible it is to be this way
Insecurity masked by dubious laughs
Mirrors have become my enemies
I am thousands less than anyone’s half
My little frame does not go well with any photograph
And flipping
And flipping
Book finished and I am still looking for an answer from all these mishaps

Break my bones, they are frail, thin and useless anyway
Step on them like twigs
Feel the satisfactory crunch you feel on a lovely autumn day

I am not worthy of your love
I am not worthy of your anything
True love only resides in my imagination
I realized I live only for
What ifs
Could haves
And should have beens
And I am begging myself to stop
But my heart has succumbed to it
I will let myself decay
Grow thinner and thinner each day

Countless attempts of trying have led me nowhere
No, it led me somewhere
The unappreciated’s home and security
A place of pure bliss and the well rested
The sightly view of the dark heavens
I’ve got nothing left
And there won’t be anything worthwhile coming next